What happens when everything that could possibly go wrong, go wrong?  A fucked up chick!  That's what!  I acted like a total dick, for the lack of a better term!  But none to say the least, was I nice. 

I was a total ass!

No one should have gone through what I had made them go through.  I was doing nothing but throwing

shit, punching walls, and making my hand look like hamburger meat.  I was cussing and shooting all kinds of names at everyone and everything.  I'm not proud in the least.  I know at least one of my kids heard what it was that I was saying.  I feel bad, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

I sometimes feel as if no one is there for me, no one there for me to talk to.  I have friends, I have family...I have my love.  But sometimes it's just not enough.  I have a feeling of loneliness.  A feeling that I am unwanted.  Most people do not understand my problems, my issues, my fears.  It's hard for me to live from day to day, trying my hardest to live a normal life.

Call me a bitch, for that is what I am.  I have my issues, and yet I am misunderstood.  People take me for grated, and yet, I just don't care.  I am someone who has literally become "numb" in my everyday life.  I have kids that yes, they take me for granted, and yes, they walk all over me.  But these are my children and I love them very much.

My children mean the world to me.  They are my pride and joy.  I try not to say anything about anyone in front of my kids.  I do not want them to pick up on my sorry issues.  I may be a bitch to the world, but I want to protect my children from the world.